Hi! It’s me, Celina again! I’m so excited to tell you more about our infertility journey and our path to becoming parents!
I was 27 years old when we first met with our fertility clinic. I was a newlywed and barely knew if I was ready to have kids. I always knew I wanted to be a mom but when that time came and we were forced to make a decision, it felt like so much pressure all at once. We had just gotten married and were looking at buying a house, but my fertility clinic was telling us that if we wanted to have the possibility of having our own children then we needed to start this process as soon as possible. My husband and I discussed it a lot and although we didn’t feel ready to have kids at that very moment in time, we both knew we wanted to try for our own children. We started the process nervous and scared but also excited. We both wanted to be parents and even though we may not have been ready at the time....are you ever truly ready to be a parent? It’s such a big change in one’s life but we had so much love to give, and we wanted to try.
Those first few months with our fertility clinic involved lots of tests and procedures as we continued to try to learn as much as we could about my endometriosis and the challenges that would lie ahead as we tried to get pregnant. We moved forward with an egg retrieval process after finding out that both of my ovaries were currently functioning. Years before I was told that the left side of my reproductive organs were mostly destroyed from my endometriosis but after more tests it turned out my ovary was still functioning and producing eggs, but my tubes were not working properly unfortunately. The egg retrieval was scheduled, and my first round of hormones and fertility meds were started. At first, I felt fine, but then the pain started as I continued the hormone medications. The egg retrieval process was probably one of the most painful processes that I have had to endure with my endometriosis. The meds were manageable but as my ovaries tried to overproduce eggs and grow in size, my endo also flared up and caused me so much pain. I never realized what women went through with fertility treatments until that first cycle. The cramps, the self-inflicted pain with medications, the sore/achy body and not to forget the emotional pain and struggle. Is all of this pain worth it? Will this process even work? Will my body produce enough eggs?
Since this was our first procedure with the fertility clinic, we didn’t know how my body would react to the medications or the hormones and we didn’t know if the egg retrieval would even be successful. The constant doubt is something that I’ll never forget. You worry that your body won’t be able to do what it was designed to do. We finally made it to the egg retrieval procedure day and we were very fortunate that my body was able to produce eggs. I’ll never forget all the thoughts that went through my head. What is our next step if this doesn’t work and we don’t have any eggs? There are so many other women that go through this same procedure and aren’t able to produce any eggs at all. My heart goes out to them dearly because the infertility community truly understands your journey. Every step is a challenge and negative thoughts are always going through your head. I was very fortunate in our procedure but this was just step one in a very long process.
Once our embryos were created, we personally chose to have them frozen so we could take a step back. We wanted to do more testing and ensure my uterus was ready for a baby. My husband and I also wanted to be truly ready and in the right headspace before we forged ahead. We both knew that once we started this process then there was really no turning back. It would be full force ahead with the end goal of bringing home a baby.
About 3 months later my doctor decided to do my first corrective surgery to remove endometrial polyps before we planned our first IVF cycle. The procedure went well, and my doctor felt like my body was finally in a good place to start trying. My monthly cycles were normal, my hormones were balanced, and my mindset was in the right place (thank you Plexus). I started taking my new supplements about 6 months earlier and at that time in my life I had never felt healthier. It took me a long time to get my health on track and hormones under control, but I was so thankful to finally feel ready. I was prepared for this long process ahead. I was ready to try. My husband and I finally felt ready to take on this new adventure.
Our first IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycle was scary. To be honest, we really didn’t know what to expect. We didn’t know the process very well. All of the shots and hormone medications were new to me. I had just met my doctors earlier that year but yet I was expected to put my complete trust in them. After our first IVF transfer, the wait for the pregnancy test was hard like many will tell you but I learned very early on in this process to just distract myself. I had to get my mind off things because if not then the stress and anxiety would take over. Ten days doesn’t sound long in the grand scheme of things, but those ten days are the longest when you are waiting to find out if it all worked. Waiting to see a positive pregnancy test. Waiting to see what your future would hold. I’ll never forget the day when we found out we were pregnant. It worked! It was an amazing feeling and we were so elated but at that time little did I know that this was not the end of this journey. It was only the beginning.
Our blood tests over the next week were good and our hCG levels were increasing. My first pregnancy ultrasound was scheduled. I was only about 6 weeks pregnant at the time but that first ultrasound was terrifying. I’ll never forget that day by myself in the ultrasound room when the technician told me to wait here and she would get the doctor. I knew something wasn’t right. I could feel it in my bones. The technician needed the doctor’s opinion before she told me anything. My doctor came in and after taking another look, she said to me “there’s no heartbeat”. Those words were devastating but at the same time I don't even think I comprehended what she was saying. I felt like my heart dropped and my whole world was closing in. I didn't hear any of the words she said after that. The excitement of the positive pregnancy test had come to a complete halt. The doctor and technician left the room, and I stood there crying in an empty room. I called my husband and told him the news but that was one of the hardest days of my life. I left the doctor’s office that day not knowing what our future would hold. So many thoughts went through my head but I knew we had to try again. I didn’t know when or how but deep down in my heart I knew that I couldn’t give up.
It took us months until we were ready for IVF cycle #2 and I truly feel I personally never fully mourned our miscarriage. My mind knew that I had to be strong and continue trying because time was my enemy. It’s one thing that infertility didn’t allow me or us. I didn’t have time to wait because every minute and every day meant that my endometriosis was causing more damage in my body. And I couldn’t stop it. It was the hardest realization to understand that my body was in control of my timeline. As I tried to accept our circumstances and move forward, our hopes were crushed, and our dreams felt like they were so far in the distance that I couldn’t even reach them. I wanted so badly to have that hope again that I felt when I first met my fertility team. I wanted my heart to feel happy again but at that moment in time I didn’t know how I was going to get there. Our first step was another surgery to remove additional polyps that had grown during the process. I wasn’t ready but I knew we just had to keep moving forward and try again.
My lucky socks. I have worn them for every procedure, surgery and IVF cycle since day 1 of this journey.
Until next time!
xoxo
Celina
Interested in learning more about my Nutrition journey and how Plexus helped me? Message me for more information!
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