Hello! Celina here again! Mama to 3 - angel baby, our beautiful 3 year old daughter and currently 14 weeks pregnant! I've struggled with endometriosis and infertility for many years but my journey has formed me into the mama I am today.
Deciding when the "right" time was to move forward with our second IVF (in vitro fertilization) transfer was a very hard decision. On one hand, my husband and I were still mourning our miscarriage but on the other hand we wanted to be parents more than anything. We didn't want to give up but we also had to dig deep to find the strength to want to start all over again at step one. The next step on our journey was another corrective surgery before my fertility doctor wanted to try again. The process of injecting my body with hormones consistently was causing my endometriosis to flare up frequently. Surgeries and procedures were unfortunately becoming more of the norm for me than not. I was in and out of the fertility center and surgery room enough that I knew the majority of my team at the clinic by first name. It was a reassuring feeling to know them all so well and trust them completely but when I sat back and thought about it, it was also a hard pill to swallow. Is it a good thing when you know all of your doctors, medical assistants, ultrasound technicians, nurses, surgeons, etc by first name? Once we completed the next surgery to remove polyps then we decided to move forward with our second IVF transfer using the same protocol and medications as the first time. I was already familiar with the meds at that point so I felt more comfortable with what we were preparing ourselves for.
On February 20, 2017, my husband and I went into the fertility clinic for our IVF transfer, but this time felt different from the first. Personally, I wouldn't let myself be happy. I wouldn't let myself get excited about the future potential of that day. Over the next 2 weeks, I didn't think about the pregnancy, or the transfer and I tried to just go about my days as if there was some sort of normalcy to my life at that time. I forced myself into this numb feeling. We found out we were pregnant and although my family around me was so excited, I didn't feel the same excitement. It is so hard to admit that but the fear deep down in my soul at that time was so much stronger than my excitement. My first ultrasound during this pregnancy was terrifying. I went into that appointment without any expectations. Just 4 months beforehand I was told that my baby didn't have a heartbeat and I was so scared that I would experience that again. I will never forget that day though when I saw our daughter's heartbeat flicker on the ultrasound screen for the first time. It was an absolutely beautiful sight but also so difficult for me to battle my inner thoughts. The next couple months as our beautiful baby grew, I felt as if I was in a constant struggle between my head and my heart. My heart wanted to be so happy for our little bundle of joy, but my head had this wall up. Finally at 16 weeks pregnant, we announced our pregnancy, and it was one of the happiest days of my life to be able to let that pressure off my shoulders. From that moment on, I decided to choose joy. I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy. I wanted to be happy, and I wanted to prepare for this next adventure in our lives.
Fast forward 3 years and we have a beautiful daughter who is the love of our life. She brings so much joy to our everyday and we couldn't be more thankful that we are blessed with her in our lives. We began trying to give her a sibling about a year and a half ago. Even though years had passed since we last endured this journey, it felt like just yesterday once my doctor appointments started again. My fertility clinic was still the same and all of my team were still there as well. It was so nice to see all of them again regardless of the circumstances. We began our journey with our 4 frozen embryos that we had been storing ever since our first egg retrieval years prior. We had just moved to a new town, I started a new job, and we had a rambunctious toddler at home. Stress levels were high, but we forged ahead. Our next two IVF cycles (#3 and #4) failed and although it was devastating to us, it was also hard to process. We had our embryos genetically tested prior to the cycles as well as I had another surgery in preparation. When the cycles failed, our doctor didn't have the answers. We did more testing and tried to understand the reasoning, but nothing seemed to add up. Over the next few months, we decided to take a step back after we received the results from my ERA (Endometrial Receptivity Analysis) test. I focused on my health and reducing my stress/anxiety. I wanted to be in the right mindset to ensure I was ready for this next step. I truly believe that my mind was influencing my body. I had been through all of this before and the process itself is very stressful.
On November 9, 2020, we moved forward with our IVF transfer #5, just two days before our daughter's third birthday. The timing felt right, we were excited, and I was ready. The next 10 days were hard as we waited to find out the results. This time though I was impatient and did some pregnancy tests at home for the first time in 5 cycles. The tests showed PREGNANT! I was cautiously excited but my husband and I began telling some of our family. The next few weeks were a roller coaster of emotions just like so many of my cycles before but here we are 14 weeks pregnant today and happier than ever. We are blessed to be expecting our second daughter in July 2021!
For those of you that have read my journey thus far, I can't thank you enough. It means so much to me to have your support and encouragement. I have only recently started sharing more about my endometriosis and infertility journey, but it has been the most rewarding experience to share with others. Opening up about my journey has brought me closer to my friends and family as well as introduced me to many new friends within the infertility community. I continue to keep all of those struggling in my thoughts and prayers and I want you to know that I am truly in this journey with you. If you ever need an outlet or someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out. Find me on Instagram @mamafrankland
Sending all my love!
xoxo
Celina
Interested in learning more about my Nutrition journey and how Plexus helped me? Message me for more information!
Comments